Monday, August 6, 2012

How you know he's Mr. Right

Dear Addison,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for allowing me to exercise for over an hour, three times a week, while you play nicely in the Child Watch room at the YMCA. You can't possibly understand how much this has positively impacted my life, attitude, and well-being. Though if I'm being honest, I'm sure you notice that I'm much more calm with you, and we play together a lot more than we used to.

I'm not going to lie, the time spent working up a sweat on the treadmill, elliptical, and weightlifting machines feels an awful lot like a vacation to me. I have peace of mind knowing you are having fun playing and socializing, and I get some time in the middle of the day to focus on me. It's been a blessing, really, and it's all because you do such a good job at Child Watch, so, thank you!!!!!

I also have something else to thank you for, but I'm not too eager to do so. And that would be the light bladder leakage that occurs during most of my workouts. I'll be hustling along on the treadmill, huffing and puffing but feeling stronger than the day before, when suddenly, oooooops....a little bit of pee comes out. It's annoying, mildly uncomfortable, but I can handle it I suppose. It happens to the best of us once we've pushed babies out of our bodies; those muscles get stretched, and just aren't as strong as they used to be. You'll understand this one day when you have a child of your own maybe. I'll even buy you some Poise pads if you'd like. But anyways....I have come to accept the light bladder leakage. However, today was a different story. There was nothing light about today's leakage. I'm two minutes into my jogging stint, right? Suddenly I feel the little drop, you know, where usually a little bit of pee comes out. And that's okay, I keep jogging. I don't feel anything else come out, and I'm even concentrating on tightening the bladder muscles. A couple more minutes go by, and I'm beginning to feel particularly moist down there. It's spreading, minute by minute. I'm all like "What the hell is going on? I didn't feel any more pee come out. Can people behind me see this? All this wetness can't possibly be pee. Did I start my period maybe? Oh ass is probably pinkish red colored right now. It's probably seeping through my pants onto my shirt that covers my ass because no one needs to be seeing my panty lines. Shit! Must stop running and get to the bathroom!"

Turns out, it was pee. A whole freaking bucket of pee. So I cut my workout short and we went home.

Your father came home for lunch and I told him all about the incident, crying at the end. I cried out of frustration, but also of embarrassment I suppose. He sat there rubbing my back, as we came up with ways to make it better. I explained that I can't wear protective pads because they would bunch up and slide around and be very uncomfortable during a workout. Excitedly, he suggested I create a pair of sports panties, with a mesh-like pouch of sorts sewn onto the crotch where a Poise pad or something similar could be slipped into it. The pouch would keep the protective pad in place, and once the used pad was removed, the panty would be washed. He genuinely wanted to help me with my embarrassing feminine issue, and exclaimed, "Market it! You can't be the only woman out there experiencing this!!"

And that is why I love your father.

And one day, when you are at least 30 years old and considering marrying someone, if they aren't interested in helping you through your embarrassing feminine issues, they are not worth marrying.

At the very least, they must be happy to pick up tampons for you on their way home from work.

Your mother

1 comment:

  1. Aww, I'm really sorry for your bad experience, but you sure did find a keeper there didn't you? :)